I am a Victoria's Secret Model

I am a Victoria’s Secret Model.

I am America’s Next Top Model.                                    

I am the next American Idol.

I am Top Chef.

I am the next best-selling author.

At least in my head I am.

I’m also a realist and I understand I’m a pear-shaped, shaky soprano, take-out queen.

But in my head I’m a lot of things. That’s where all of my dreams, aspirations, and confidence live, in the conscience of my being. What’s swimming in the depths of your core? What are you dreaming of achieving?

As I’ve aged I’ve realized a few things about dreams. They coincide greatly with your confidence. You are either your worst critic or your best cheerleader. All greatness comes from a core belief inside you, not from your mom, dad, brother, sister, dog, friend, boss, or spouse. It comes solely from you. Do tell me, who is lining your subconscious sideline, a critic or a cheerleader?

Growing up I was teased about my big nose (um, duh, I’m Italian). In high school, I didn’t go to prom. I wasn’t even asked. In college, I was self-conscience about my hips, thighs and butt. I felt bad about myself. And when the many would compliment me, contrary to what the few had critiqued me on, I would brush it off. Because it was easier to believe what the critics would say – because that is what I believed.

And then something happened. Little by little, I built upon the small and fleeting moments of self-love. I contribute a lot of this revelation to maturing and determining that I’m not going to live based on what others think of me. The other part came from the encouraging words of others, being successful in my work, and allowing the real Stephanie to stand up.

Here is how you can begin believing you are more than what you think you are:

1. Accept and believe the compliments you receive. When someone decides to say something of a complimentary nature, it is downright rude of you not to accept it. So be polite and say thank you. Most people are trained to challenge or argue compliments. Who taught you that? Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Don’t discount their compliment because of your own self-doubt. Instead build upon it. When you start with a thank you and focus on what they have told you, you will begin to build up your own self-confidence.

2. Write down self-love affirmations. There are things that you love about yourself. Come on, you’re sexy and you know it! Your job is to capture these and write them down. Just like goals, it’s easier to believe something when it’s written down. You don’t have to share these with anyone, BUT you do need to share them with yourself. Capture the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are in the corners of your heart and head. The thoughts you believe others would find you insane, for these are the real gems.

3. Ignore the critics. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to build your self-confidence. It may sting at first, but the easiest response is to treat the critic just like the cheerleader and say “thank you.” However, instead of accepting it, dismiss it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s necessary. You are not living your life for anyone other than you. Once you realize this truth, you will break free from the chains of criticism.

4. Encourage others. You will in turn encourage yourself. If you want to build up your own self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love, start by building someone else’s. The positive words you speak to others will start to creep into your own subconscious, challenging you to believe more in yourself. Try it out. The worst that can happen is you help someone. Would that be so terrible?

These days I see my nose as a symbol of my heritage. I’m embracing my pear assets. And I believe it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. I believe it, because I, internally with all of who I am, truly believe it. Now where’s the runway?

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

Dance with Somebody

Whitney Houston died.
I sent that text to my mom on Saturday night at 8:45pm.
I sent it to my mom because I remember listening to Whitney Houston cassette tapes with her while I was growing up. I remember how my mom thought Whitney Houston was gorgeous when we watched The Bodyguard.

When I found out about her passing, while sitting at the Charlotte Bobcats game via Facebook (another notch to the power of social media belt), the first person I thought to tell was my mother. So I texted her and over the past two days, I’ve read and listened to accounts of people’s opinions while I sat silently and digested all that had happened.

A singing icon died.
Yes, she was too young.
Yes, it is a tragedy.
Yes, it was most likely preventable.

But I saw it as a lesson in team building.
A lesson in surrounding yourself with people who will push you to be better, to not fail, to not give up, to not perish, but to rise above and be better.

I don’t know if Whitney Houston had a team that surrounded her.
I don’t know what efforts were made to save her, push her, or raise her to being her best.

What I do know is that regardless of what did or did not happen, failure occurred. Because Whitney Houston is no longer striving to be her best, she is no longer dancing with somebody.

Who are you dancing with? Who is pushing you? Who doesn’t give up on you even when you have given up on yourself? Do you have that somebody?

Are you that somebody?

How do you become that somebody?

Here's what you have to do to be a dance partner in someone’s life:
1. Praise. Positive words and reinforcement can catapult a person to their next level of success. Whether you are a co-worker, boss, teacher, coach, parent or friend, communicating kind words of praise will help boost self-confidence, allowing them to try harder. One of the biggest mistakes we make is only communicating when failure or large accomplishments occurs. It’s much harder to consciously praise people in our lives for their small positive actions that are helping them progress to a higher level of excellence. We all know the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” As a dance partner, you want to remember to: Don’t forget to praise the small stuff!
2. Push. This is a major obligation you have when you sign up to be someone’s dance partner. You must be willing to push them to do more and to do better. Sometimes people need to be pushed because they fail to push themselves, or they don’t have enough self-belief to go for it on their own. Pushing requires a delicate balance of knowing when to push and when to back off, however, most of us back off too soon. I’ve heard that if you send just one more marketing email, you’ll get an additional 15% response. Keep that in mind here, if you push and cheerlead someone just one more time, you may get a 15% increase in their success.
3. Protect. Probably the most important of the three elements, above all else, is to protect this person. On whatever level you are engaged with this person, you are required to protect them. This is easiest for parents and spouses, but think about it in business terms. To be a team player, you have to protect each other. To be a trusted boss, you have to protect your employees. To be a respected employee, you have to protect the business. Protection is to keep safe from harm. You have to bodyguard your dance partner and keep them from harm, whether it’s from outside influences or from themselves.

Whitney Houston died. I believe she died because she didn’t have a dance partner. I hope that you will dance with somebody – all the way to the best of their success.

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.