I am a Victoria's Secret Model

I am a Victoria’s Secret Model.

I am America’s Next Top Model.                                    

I am the next American Idol.

I am Top Chef.

I am the next best-selling author.

At least in my head I am.

I’m also a realist and I understand I’m a pear-shaped, shaky soprano, take-out queen.

But in my head I’m a lot of things. That’s where all of my dreams, aspirations, and confidence live, in the conscience of my being. What’s swimming in the depths of your core? What are you dreaming of achieving?

As I’ve aged I’ve realized a few things about dreams. They coincide greatly with your confidence. You are either your worst critic or your best cheerleader. All greatness comes from a core belief inside you, not from your mom, dad, brother, sister, dog, friend, boss, or spouse. It comes solely from you. Do tell me, who is lining your subconscious sideline, a critic or a cheerleader?

Growing up I was teased about my big nose (um, duh, I’m Italian). In high school, I didn’t go to prom. I wasn’t even asked. In college, I was self-conscience about my hips, thighs and butt. I felt bad about myself. And when the many would compliment me, contrary to what the few had critiqued me on, I would brush it off. Because it was easier to believe what the critics would say – because that is what I believed.

And then something happened. Little by little, I built upon the small and fleeting moments of self-love. I contribute a lot of this revelation to maturing and determining that I’m not going to live based on what others think of me. The other part came from the encouraging words of others, being successful in my work, and allowing the real Stephanie to stand up.

Here is how you can begin believing you are more than what you think you are:

1. Accept and believe the compliments you receive. When someone decides to say something of a complimentary nature, it is downright rude of you not to accept it. So be polite and say thank you. Most people are trained to challenge or argue compliments. Who taught you that? Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Don’t discount their compliment because of your own self-doubt. Instead build upon it. When you start with a thank you and focus on what they have told you, you will begin to build up your own self-confidence.

2. Write down self-love affirmations. There are things that you love about yourself. Come on, you’re sexy and you know it! Your job is to capture these and write them down. Just like goals, it’s easier to believe something when it’s written down. You don’t have to share these with anyone, BUT you do need to share them with yourself. Capture the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are in the corners of your heart and head. The thoughts you believe others would find you insane, for these are the real gems.

3. Ignore the critics. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to build your self-confidence. It may sting at first, but the easiest response is to treat the critic just like the cheerleader and say “thank you.” However, instead of accepting it, dismiss it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s necessary. You are not living your life for anyone other than you. Once you realize this truth, you will break free from the chains of criticism.

4. Encourage others. You will in turn encourage yourself. If you want to build up your own self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love, start by building someone else’s. The positive words you speak to others will start to creep into your own subconscious, challenging you to believe more in yourself. Try it out. The worst that can happen is you help someone. Would that be so terrible?

These days I see my nose as a symbol of my heritage. I’m embracing my pear assets. And I believe it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. I believe it, because I, internally with all of who I am, truly believe it. Now where’s the runway?

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

Colorful Creativity

"Creativity is seeing an opportunity for more than what it appears to be."

This quote came to me as I was sitting in my favorite coffeehouse writing spot (Cast Iron Waffles), listening to the Coffeehouse satellite station (Into the Mystic by Van Morrison was playing), and working on an upcoming keynote.

I furiously typed it up hoping not to lose it before it leapt out of my mind unable to be remembered. Know what I mean?

I speak about creativity in my keynote presentations and I was trying to figure out how to wrap it up nice and neat with a bow to get an “aha” moment from the audience. I’ve learned while growing up and being earmarked as a “creative” person, that there are whole loads of people who don’t think they are creative beings.

Boy, are they WRONG! Everyone is creative (quit shaking your head – yes, YOU, are creative!) in some unique way - whether you are a chemist, engineer, farmer, marketer, or writer. But that’s another article. Right, Andy Horner?

Anyway, this quote came as a result of this story:

I wrote an article on Pinterest.

A man, Tony Frank, emailed me with three things: praise, a Pinterest request, and an offer:

“I own a small business that develops custom cartoons to market ideas, most specifically gift planning to non-profit fundraisers like myself. If you ever find yourself needing a cartoon to convey an idea, lemme know. We'll work one up for ya, no charge. (www.lanceandrew.com)”

Hmmm…I thought. And thought. And thought. For eight days before I replied:

“I just thought of a great way for you to help me.  I'm getting married in a few months and we are having an adult’s only reception EXCEPT for my fiancé’s 10 nieces and nephews. I had been planning on putting crayons and coloring books on their reception tables to keep them entertained. But you know what would be even cooler?  If you could draw a black and white cartoon of my fiancé and I for them to color in that day!  It would be something we could keep.”

And he did. And we used it. And it was a HIT!

Now most people would have only saw it for face value (a cartoon to use for my presentations) and stopped there. Most people think I have audacity for asking for more than the favor offered. Most people are followers. Not me.

I was presented an opportunity.

I thought about it.

I formed a vision.

I asked.

I received.

And they colored.

Do you think Tony is upset that I asked for something a little different than he originally presented to me? NO! He is now the inspiration of a quote, an article, and the colorful joy of ten children.

Here are the elements that I believe lead to creativity:

1. Think. Taking the time to view anything from another perspective can lead to a creative response. They don’t call it thinking outside the box for no reason. Just drop the box, that doesn’t matter, stretching your mind to think beyond the obvious, beyond what appears, is when the light bulbs get invented. What are you thinking about?

2. Environment. I think best in certain environments, usually coffeehouses. Shocker, I know! I’m creative in these places for two reasons; they make me happy and they eliminate distractions. The atmosphere boasts happiness: music, espresso machines, milk being steamed, and the aroma of coffee and specifically where I go, fresh baked liege waffles! The atmosphere omits distractions: television, John, Dunkin! The hardest element is figuring out what atmosphere you need to get your mind right for creative inspiration. Where is your distraction-free happy place?

3. Confidence. You must have the confidence and willingness to ask, to risk, and to open yourself up by sharing your ideas out loud. Many fear rejection more than they seek reward. I like reward. I’m confident in my thoughts and ideas REGARDLESS of others opinions of them. Some are nutty, some are pushy, some are bitchy, some are genius, and some are all of the above. I’m confident in asking for what I want (did you read Ask Kisser?) and I’m confident enough to risk my feelings in an effort to be creative. How confident are you in your ideas?

4. Experience. The more creative ideas you come up with the more they will continue to flow. Just like with any skill, the more you work at it and experience it, the more it will come naturally. If you hang around creative people they will rub off on you, they will inspire you and they will transform you. How are you experiencing creativity?

Shh…my very secret key to creativity is simple. Capture it! So often I don’t take the time to write ideas or thoughts down when they occur. And then, in a fleeting moment, they disappear. Thankfully, this one I caught and framed.

Want to see the fabulous cartoon by Lance Andrew? View it on my Sales Barista Facebook Page.

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email or by calling 704-333-1112.