I am a Victoria's Secret Model

I am a Victoria’s Secret Model.

I am America’s Next Top Model.                                    

I am the next American Idol.

I am Top Chef.

I am the next best-selling author.

At least in my head I am.

I’m also a realist and I understand I’m a pear-shaped, shaky soprano, take-out queen.

But in my head I’m a lot of things. That’s where all of my dreams, aspirations, and confidence live, in the conscience of my being. What’s swimming in the depths of your core? What are you dreaming of achieving?

As I’ve aged I’ve realized a few things about dreams. They coincide greatly with your confidence. You are either your worst critic or your best cheerleader. All greatness comes from a core belief inside you, not from your mom, dad, brother, sister, dog, friend, boss, or spouse. It comes solely from you. Do tell me, who is lining your subconscious sideline, a critic or a cheerleader?

Growing up I was teased about my big nose (um, duh, I’m Italian). In high school, I didn’t go to prom. I wasn’t even asked. In college, I was self-conscience about my hips, thighs and butt. I felt bad about myself. And when the many would compliment me, contrary to what the few had critiqued me on, I would brush it off. Because it was easier to believe what the critics would say – because that is what I believed.

And then something happened. Little by little, I built upon the small and fleeting moments of self-love. I contribute a lot of this revelation to maturing and determining that I’m not going to live based on what others think of me. The other part came from the encouraging words of others, being successful in my work, and allowing the real Stephanie to stand up.

Here is how you can begin believing you are more than what you think you are:

1. Accept and believe the compliments you receive. When someone decides to say something of a complimentary nature, it is downright rude of you not to accept it. So be polite and say thank you. Most people are trained to challenge or argue compliments. Who taught you that? Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Don’t discount their compliment because of your own self-doubt. Instead build upon it. When you start with a thank you and focus on what they have told you, you will begin to build up your own self-confidence.

2. Write down self-love affirmations. There are things that you love about yourself. Come on, you’re sexy and you know it! Your job is to capture these and write them down. Just like goals, it’s easier to believe something when it’s written down. You don’t have to share these with anyone, BUT you do need to share them with yourself. Capture the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are in the corners of your heart and head. The thoughts you believe others would find you insane, for these are the real gems.

3. Ignore the critics. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to build your self-confidence. It may sting at first, but the easiest response is to treat the critic just like the cheerleader and say “thank you.” However, instead of accepting it, dismiss it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s necessary. You are not living your life for anyone other than you. Once you realize this truth, you will break free from the chains of criticism.

4. Encourage others. You will in turn encourage yourself. If you want to build up your own self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love, start by building someone else’s. The positive words you speak to others will start to creep into your own subconscious, challenging you to believe more in yourself. Try it out. The worst that can happen is you help someone. Would that be so terrible?

These days I see my nose as a symbol of my heritage. I’m embracing my pear assets. And I believe it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. I believe it, because I, internally with all of who I am, truly believe it. Now where’s the runway?

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

Barktitude

A few months ago, I stepped into a big, brown, round, smelly piece of fluffy goodness. His name is Dunkin, yes like Dunkin Donuts (ssshhh...don't tell Starbucks!). Dunkin is just how his name sounds, a goofy, dunce-like, happy-go-lucky, slightly lazy, chocolate labradoodle. He's also the best teacher I've ever had.

Ever see the bumper sticker, Wag More, Bark Less? That's Dunkin. He's a wag more; bark less kind of a dog, as most dogs are. And he's a prime example of how we should all be walking through life.

Here are the Top 10 lessons Dunkin has taught me:

1. Unconditional love - Pets are amazing at how freely they give you love. They love you in the morning, afternoon, and night. They love you regardless of your flaws, your imperfections, the way you dress, or the way you talk. They are beautiful creatures that love you and never hesitate to show it. How unconditional is your love?

2. Pure happiness - Dunkin is a happy dog. He is always smiling, yes he smiles. He displays a spirit of pure happiness no matter who, or what, is around him. His happiness is contagious. Is your happiness contagious?

3. To prance - Dunkin doesn't just walk; he prances. When he retrieves, he hops, you know, like a bunny does. He lives in this world with full excitement and isn't afraid to show it. Do you prance?

4. Play hard - When its play time, Dunkin goes all out. There isn't one ounce of him that isn't 100% committed to the task at hand, whether it's retrieving his favorite stuffed monkey or chasing after the neighbors cat, Kramer. He puts it all out there and he has fun while he's doing it. How much effort are you leaving on the table?

5. Eat only when hungry - Go ahead and chuckle, but it's true. In a country of over-indulgence, it's easy to consume more than we need. Hey, where did those extra 10lbs come from? With Dunkin, I can put a bowl of food in front of him and if he's hungry, he eats, if he's not, he leaves it there. He has self-control, something many of us struggle with, not just with food but also in life. How over-indulgent are you?

6. No prejudice - Dunkin loves everyone equally. Maybe it's because dogs are colorblind, but he jumps, licks and mulls over everyone equally with his excitement to see them. He doesn't care about size, gender, race, or hair-cut and he greets everyone as a friend. Judgmental or friendly, where do you stand?

7. Never give up - When Dunkin wants something, he doesn't stop until he gets it. Maybe it's his toy that's stuck under the couch, or his constant placing of a toy in my hand so I'll throw it for him, regardless of what he wants, he's not stopping until he gets his way. How many times do you give up?

8. Wag more - There's no lack of wagging with this dog. The epitome of a positive attitude, we can all stand to learn the lesson from Dunkin. He chooses to wag more often than not. He chooses to see the good in everything and rarely takes notice of the negative, if ever. How's your tail wagging these days?

9. Bark less - It's a rare occasion to hear Dunkin bark. Usually when he is warning us of what he assumes is danger - the UPS woman coming to the door is his favorite. Dunkin's instinct of something dangerous is a good reason to bark - but that's the only time. How often are you yelling, screaming, or being negative when it's not necessary?

10. Give more than you take - Probably the most profound of the lessons I've learned is about how Dunkin gives much more than he takes. He gives more love, more energy, more cuddles, more licks, more wags, more burps (yes, he burps!), more everything and expects nothing in return. He takes nothing from me. Are you a giver or a taker?

Dunkin has been a great example and teacher of common lessons worth a good reminder every now and then. He's currently applying for a Ph.D. in Barktitude. You can follow him on his Dogbook page.

I'm your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email or by calling 704-333-1112.