I am a Victoria's Secret Model

I am a Victoria’s Secret Model.

I am America’s Next Top Model.                                    

I am the next American Idol.

I am Top Chef.

I am the next best-selling author.

At least in my head I am.

I’m also a realist and I understand I’m a pear-shaped, shaky soprano, take-out queen.

But in my head I’m a lot of things. That’s where all of my dreams, aspirations, and confidence live, in the conscience of my being. What’s swimming in the depths of your core? What are you dreaming of achieving?

As I’ve aged I’ve realized a few things about dreams. They coincide greatly with your confidence. You are either your worst critic or your best cheerleader. All greatness comes from a core belief inside you, not from your mom, dad, brother, sister, dog, friend, boss, or spouse. It comes solely from you. Do tell me, who is lining your subconscious sideline, a critic or a cheerleader?

Growing up I was teased about my big nose (um, duh, I’m Italian). In high school, I didn’t go to prom. I wasn’t even asked. In college, I was self-conscience about my hips, thighs and butt. I felt bad about myself. And when the many would compliment me, contrary to what the few had critiqued me on, I would brush it off. Because it was easier to believe what the critics would say – because that is what I believed.

And then something happened. Little by little, I built upon the small and fleeting moments of self-love. I contribute a lot of this revelation to maturing and determining that I’m not going to live based on what others think of me. The other part came from the encouraging words of others, being successful in my work, and allowing the real Stephanie to stand up.

Here is how you can begin believing you are more than what you think you are:

1. Accept and believe the compliments you receive. When someone decides to say something of a complimentary nature, it is downright rude of you not to accept it. So be polite and say thank you. Most people are trained to challenge or argue compliments. Who taught you that? Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Don’t discount their compliment because of your own self-doubt. Instead build upon it. When you start with a thank you and focus on what they have told you, you will begin to build up your own self-confidence.

2. Write down self-love affirmations. There are things that you love about yourself. Come on, you’re sexy and you know it! Your job is to capture these and write them down. Just like goals, it’s easier to believe something when it’s written down. You don’t have to share these with anyone, BUT you do need to share them with yourself. Capture the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are in the corners of your heart and head. The thoughts you believe others would find you insane, for these are the real gems.

3. Ignore the critics. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to build your self-confidence. It may sting at first, but the easiest response is to treat the critic just like the cheerleader and say “thank you.” However, instead of accepting it, dismiss it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s necessary. You are not living your life for anyone other than you. Once you realize this truth, you will break free from the chains of criticism.

4. Encourage others. You will in turn encourage yourself. If you want to build up your own self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love, start by building someone else’s. The positive words you speak to others will start to creep into your own subconscious, challenging you to believe more in yourself. Try it out. The worst that can happen is you help someone. Would that be so terrible?

These days I see my nose as a symbol of my heritage. I’m embracing my pear assets. And I believe it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. I believe it, because I, internally with all of who I am, truly believe it. Now where’s the runway?

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

Dance with Somebody

Whitney Houston died.
I sent that text to my mom on Saturday night at 8:45pm.
I sent it to my mom because I remember listening to Whitney Houston cassette tapes with her while I was growing up. I remember how my mom thought Whitney Houston was gorgeous when we watched The Bodyguard.

When I found out about her passing, while sitting at the Charlotte Bobcats game via Facebook (another notch to the power of social media belt), the first person I thought to tell was my mother. So I texted her and over the past two days, I’ve read and listened to accounts of people’s opinions while I sat silently and digested all that had happened.

A singing icon died.
Yes, she was too young.
Yes, it is a tragedy.
Yes, it was most likely preventable.

But I saw it as a lesson in team building.
A lesson in surrounding yourself with people who will push you to be better, to not fail, to not give up, to not perish, but to rise above and be better.

I don’t know if Whitney Houston had a team that surrounded her.
I don’t know what efforts were made to save her, push her, or raise her to being her best.

What I do know is that regardless of what did or did not happen, failure occurred. Because Whitney Houston is no longer striving to be her best, she is no longer dancing with somebody.

Who are you dancing with? Who is pushing you? Who doesn’t give up on you even when you have given up on yourself? Do you have that somebody?

Are you that somebody?

How do you become that somebody?

Here's what you have to do to be a dance partner in someone’s life:
1. Praise. Positive words and reinforcement can catapult a person to their next level of success. Whether you are a co-worker, boss, teacher, coach, parent or friend, communicating kind words of praise will help boost self-confidence, allowing them to try harder. One of the biggest mistakes we make is only communicating when failure or large accomplishments occurs. It’s much harder to consciously praise people in our lives for their small positive actions that are helping them progress to a higher level of excellence. We all know the saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” As a dance partner, you want to remember to: Don’t forget to praise the small stuff!
2. Push. This is a major obligation you have when you sign up to be someone’s dance partner. You must be willing to push them to do more and to do better. Sometimes people need to be pushed because they fail to push themselves, or they don’t have enough self-belief to go for it on their own. Pushing requires a delicate balance of knowing when to push and when to back off, however, most of us back off too soon. I’ve heard that if you send just one more marketing email, you’ll get an additional 15% response. Keep that in mind here, if you push and cheerlead someone just one more time, you may get a 15% increase in their success.
3. Protect. Probably the most important of the three elements, above all else, is to protect this person. On whatever level you are engaged with this person, you are required to protect them. This is easiest for parents and spouses, but think about it in business terms. To be a team player, you have to protect each other. To be a trusted boss, you have to protect your employees. To be a respected employee, you have to protect the business. Protection is to keep safe from harm. You have to bodyguard your dance partner and keep them from harm, whether it’s from outside influences or from themselves.

Whitney Houston died. I believe she died because she didn’t have a dance partner. I hope that you will dance with somebody – all the way to the best of their success.

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

Season to Rebuild

Are you ready for some football?

YES! Oh, pick me. I am! I am!

Football represents the most glorious seventeen Sundays of my year, every year. The start of football signifies so many things: fall, the holidays coming, school starting, work intensifying, and pumpkin EVERYTHING. It's back (according to Starbucks), the pumpkin spice latte that is!

Football also signifies the beginning of my loyal relationship with the Cincinnati Bengals. By loyal, I mean, sitting through season after season of pure heart-wrenching disappointment. And I LOVE it, every single second of every single game on every single Sunday.

This past Sunday was the first game for the Bengals and it was the least excited I've ever been for the beginning of the regular season. Ochocinco (wide receiver) was traded, Carson Palmer (quarterback) refused to show up despite his contract, and other key veterans were gone. This team was facing a "rebuilding season," a nice way of saying they aren't expected to win many, if any, games. So you can imagine my shock and awe as I watched the Bungles beat the Brownies 27-17! WHO DEY!

How could a team that prognosticators doomed to an 0-16 season, start out 1-0?

I started to think a little deeper about why the Bengals won the first game of their supposed rebuilding season. And I thought about how many companies, who are going through their own rebuilding seasons (hello Bank of America), could learn something from the Bengals.

So, I wondered: What does it take to succeed in a rebuilding season?

1. Talent. (Rookie Quarterback Andy Dalton) To rebuild anything (your X), you must first have the talent to do so (sort-of sounds like a famous quote)! Whether the talent is you or someone else, you must recognize the opportunity for improvement and act on it. X is not going to simply rebuild itself, it's going to take people, talented people. Your job is to identify who the talent is and build upon that.

2. Belief. (Who Dey, Who Dey, Who Dey think gonna beat them Bengals? NO ONE!) The number one indicator for success lies with your internal belief system. Do you believe you are going to win the game? Do you believe you are going to get the job? Do you believe you are going to exceed your sales quota? Do you believe you are going to lead your team to victory? Do you truly, deep down, gut-checked, know with all your heart, believe you can rebuild or rebound? If you don't believe, why even waste your time? Not believing only leads to losses. Some may be small, some may be big, but over time not believing in yourself and your abilities will only create disappointing failure. Take the time to list out WHY you believe you can accomplish whatever your X is. Do it now! Please. Reflecting on the "why" will help solidify your belief.

3. Seasoned Coach. (Marvin Lewis - head coach for eight years) A coach is instrumental in the success of rebuilding anything. Having a mentor or leader that can effectively teach and coach, motivate and inspire, demonstrate and set the example for the team, sets the tone and amplifies each persons individual talent and belief. The coach is the nucleus of success. This is the person who creates the game plan and calls the plays. A coach's job is to showcase the talent, make decisions for the team, make mid-game adjustments, and do whatever it takes to win. Who is your coach?

4. Backup. (Quarterback Bruce Gradkowski, replaced the hurt Dalton in the second half) This is probably the most overlooked piece of the puzzle. In football, you have several strings of backups, but in business, very rarely do you have a back up for each person. Think about it, or more specifically, think of someone in your office who does something instrumental to the companies success; do they have a back up? Do you have a back up plan for when someone gets hurt (sick, laid-off, quits, goes on maternity leave)? Back-up your people, your talent, your team, your coach, and your hard drive so you can keep the momentum going.

The Bengals didn't win their game because of dumb luck, though some would argue with me on that one, they won because they had genuine talent, they believed that they could, they had an experienced coach leading them, and a back-up plan in place.

There was another showcase of rebuilding this past Sunday, as it marked the tenth anniversary of 9/11. Our country showed its pure resilience for a national "rebuilding season." I challenge you to take the spirit you had this past Sunday, because I can't believe that anyone didn't have a heightened spirit and sense of pride that day, and apply that same spirit and pride to your work.

The season to rebuild is NOW. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right now.

Are you the talent? The coach? Or the backup?

Identify the role you plan to play this rebuilding season and partner that with your belief, so that you can win.

I'm your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email or by calling 704-333-1112.